Me and my ghetto friends

White Trash Fridge Side View

White Trash Fridge with Hobo

Boy in the Crack

(My flirting skills summed up in one video)

I finally finish telling the story from the last video. Oh, and I add another one just for kicks and giggles.

Almost done with my second week of college, yet I am only now posting about my first week of college.... Don't question, just watch.

College. A seven letter word. A life I am living.  

Some of you may be wondering what college life is like for me. Well let me give you a little tour of my last couple days here.

My overwhelming kitchen cabinet

My messing room

My standing in one awkward shower to take a picture of the other one across the way (my roommates disapprove)

Tanner the TV

Me playing in the thunderstorm

As you can see, college has been pretty interesting. Also within the four days of being here I have, with my roommates:

- Had a bird fly into my face

- Snuck around and into random buildings at night (thought we set off an alarm 'cause we heard sirens)

- Watched 2 movies, 2 forty-five minutes long episodes, 2 GMM episodes

- Danced our booties off

- Sung until our lungs hurt

- Found out that we can see through the boys' room window out of our back window

- Fought off spiders and their demon children

-Fixed the demon-possessed toilet

- Slept through orientation

I get the feeling that college will turn out all right.....

More to come in the future

HAPPY TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!! 

You might be wondering why I have gathered you all here today. I feel we haven't been communicating properly because it takes more than one to converse. I try to please you, to give you a bit of enjoyment for the day, but in the end I do not know what you want. I have tried telling funny stories and posting videos but I am running out of ideas. Okay, that is a lie, I have tons of ideas but I just don't know if you would like it. Here are some clips of things I decided not to post do to uncertainty.

I am asking you, nah, begging you to tell me what you want. You want a video about dating? Got it. A funny story about feet? Sure thing, just tell me. 

That's all I have to say for now. So peace out brussel sprout.

Please, please, please don't judge me too hard. My goal in life is to make people laugh, so if you laugh at this video then I have been successful. If you don't laugh then I might as well take up residency of the underside of a rock.

"If you can't laugh at yourself, then who can you laugh at?" 

-Alison Forsberg (trying to tell herself that being crazy isn't wrong)

I've been told that I'm never going to be able to date anyone after this video, but I think the boys will be lining up for miles. We'll see...

A picture from my senior trip that I am not ashamed of because it makes you feel good because you know from now on all pictures of you will look better than this. Your welcome.

I'm so embarresed

STORY TIME!!!!!! The following is based on a true event.

3 Hour Tour

This Monday morning started as any other with Dad reading the newspaper and Mom making breakfast, except they never do that which is what made it like any other. Family was staying over and the house was packed, but everyone continued forth in good spirits. I woke up with a pain in my ear that could only be caused by an ear infection leaving me with no other choice than to announce my inability to go on the boat ride with the rest of the family. Mom and I dropped the others off  at the harbor and pooted off to Urgent Care. Moments following our departure we received a call that the boat broke down. Let me explain:

The night before the men said "We, the manly men, know how to drive the boat but still have to go to boat training. We shall go to this training so you, the women plus Robert (brother 3), can come later with the food, water and sunblock."

So the guys (Dad, David (brother 1), Danny (brother-in-law), and Dylan (nephew 1) were already in the boat and were stranded in the middle of the lake with no food, water nor sunblock.... It took about two hours before they were rescued and bestowed with a new boat making it so they could again head towards the harbor. Mother, wanting the house to herself and not caring about my pain, said that I had to go on the boat  for some "family bonding" time. I reminded her of my statements the night before, how our adventure would turn into a Gilligan's Island experience and how the men already experienced difficulties, but she insisted. 

With my swimsuit on I got in the car and drove with the rest of the family to the dock where we met the slightly more red men. We got on the boat and sailed away into one of the biggest nightmares one could ever face. The water was peaceful, and the sun was shining bright, encouraging everyone to go swimming except for Dad and me. There was laughter as people idly paddled in the water. Once satisfied the tubing began, starting with young Collin (nephew 2).  Joy was felt throughout the boat as everyone took a turn, that is, until a dark, ominous cloud appeared, covering the once bright sun. The wind picked up and the temperature dropped. Lightening was spotted in the distance and concerned looks were exchanged.

"What do we do?" the manly men turned to my father, only to receive a shrug of the shoulders. Panic started to set in, when suddenly another boat next to a small, tree filled island (so small that it would take only 10 steps to walk the whole thing). Figuring the other boaters knew what they were doing, we set anchor and waited, and waited, and waited. Twenty minutes had passed but there was still no rain. Ten more minutes passed and the other, much faster, boat pulled up their anchor and sped away, leaving us alone and frightened. A large gust of wind sent fluffs from the trees flying into our boat, an almost beautiful sight. "Look at all the bugs." our nephews said, pointing at the cloud of fluff. "Those aren't bugs," we all responded, "it's just some..... BUGS!!!!!!" Bugs were everywhere, our eyes, our mouths and our noses. Some began the bug dance, while others tried covering their faces with towels and ducked. Thus began our three hour tour.

"This can't get any worse." Niki (sister 1) said, receiving dirty looks and scowls from the others, due to her being able to jinx any situation. True to her cursed powers, rain began dumping from the skies. Normally, North Carolina receives warm, heavy rain, but this was cold, never ending rain. Under a unhelpful tarp, the young couple (Robert and Ember (sister-in-law) covered and protected the innocent nephews while David held on to Phyli (future sister-in-law). Stephen (brother 4), in the wide open, sat calmly, hidden under his towel with a juice box, while Niki and Danny sat wishing they never came. The anchor never caught and we kept drifting away from the island forcing David and Danny to keep moving us back. In light of things, I, with the begrudging help of Stephen, tried reenacting the scene from the Titanic, only to have me slip and almost go over board. into the churning waters of death itself.

Let me speed this up, fast forward. It kept raining, it was cold and everyone was miserable. Finally the sun came out but nothing was dry for another hour. The tubing continued and nobody got hurt, but my ear infection did get worse. Realistically, the storm wasn't even a strong one but considering we were in the middle of a large body of water it was slightly nerve-racking.

The End

P.S. Mom- I'm still mad at you.   

What it felt like

I was abandoned, left for dead. The realization of my situation finally settled in as I attempted to remain balanced on the crooked chair. Crying, shouting, begging, I tried it all with no avail, I was alone. It was in this time of need that I remembered the old fable my mother told me as a child at night to help me sleep. It was about a hero who rescued poor souls in the pit of despair if he were to be called upon properly. I never believed the tale, but I was desperate, leaving me with no other choice other than to raise my hands to my mouth and shout "STEPHEN!" There was no sign of help for a few seconds, but then thunder began rumble, and down the stairs came no one other than the mighty Stephen! "What seems to be the problem?" he asked with cool confidence. I trembled as I pointed to the foulest, most terrifying creature to ever walk the earth. With a mighty blow from his red hammer the beast was killed and I was saved. As I watched the mighty Stephen walk away, I knew I was safe.

True Story: I was sitting on the couch and saw a spider. My little brother, Stephen, killed it with a red croc after first going through a self-motivating speech.

It's the little black dot next to the chair where the tile ends

Oh, and p.s., A Good Celebrity page is going down just like that spider did when it was faced against a croc.

"Hey, Alison, what has happened to you this last month?" Well, I'm glad you asked random citizen, because a lot has happened in the last month. But I'm not going to tell you about it! MAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! 

Unfortunately, my mother has informed me that my blog started to follow a pattern of ranting and complaining, and she didn't like that so I had to stop. Guess what Mom? I'M 18!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DO WHAT I WANT!!!!!!!! Just kidding, please don't beat me for my defiance, I am just going through a phase. 

Now that that is settled (I just used two "thats" in a row) let me bring some sunlight into your guys' mind. Urggggg, I am having a hard time focusing because Ursula keeps shaking and it throws me off. I mean, come on Ursula, calm down. Does she realise she is an off-the-rocker villian who tries to marry a guy half her age with the use of a stolen ginger voice? Actually, Ursula has always kinda reminded me of my mother. I don't know if it is the wicked cackle or just the fact that my mummy's favorite Disney song is "Poor Unfortunate Souls." 

The Disney villain I admire the most ties between "Long Live the King" Scar

and "Savages" Governor Ratcliffe

Let me explain before you go and judge me for supporting the lion who killed off Mufasa and the guy who attempted to blow off the Native Americans off the map. These guys almost won. They planned out their attacks in advanced, made difficult situations work for their benefit, and were masters at psychological warfare. Plus they both have fabulous hair and voices. Let's be realistic, everyone likes the villain with a mane, just look at Loki, though Governor Ratcliffe does kinda look like a rat with dreads. Ehhhhhhhhh. Eheheheheh. Haha I made a Loki/Tom joke that will probably just go right over half of the heads that read this because the have lives and don't live on the internet.

I'm going to stop myself now but you know what they say,

I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON!!!!!!!!

You see this man? Yes, this man right here.

Remember him? No, well that is probably because you remember him as this guy.

 

 

Yup, it's William Christopher, or Father Francis Mulcahy from M*A*S*H. I have to say that Father Mulcahy is one of my favorite characters from the show, but that isn't why I am bringing him up today. People often talk about how there aren't any good actors, how they are all egotistical or rather disgusting. This makes me mad. There are many actors who have the sweetest hearts, but we look over them because they aren't doing crazy schemes to catch our attention, just like William Christopher. William Christopher has two son, one being autistic. During his 15 minutes of fame he spoke about his son's disabilities making him the first celebrity ever to do so (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gaYTAZlpXjo). Not only has he created awareness of autism, but he, with his wife, also wrote a book called "Mixed Blessings" which points out the pain and joy of having a special needs child. He has continued acting but mainly has devoted his time to the National Autistic Society. 

 

I am finally releasing my new page, drumroll please. *Stupid noise emitting from mouth* And the new page is... A Good Celebrity!

 

I think actors who do good should not be overlooked because they don't twerk or get caught cheating. Also, now by having this list, hopefully you all will become more aware of the great films that are out there that are great for everyone to watch. Let's flood the world with positive influences.

 

If you have any suggestions of actors/actresses I should add, feel free to contact me.

 

 



Wow, I really am doing well at keeping up with my blog now. Oh, but wait, it's a video entry. I start falling apart towards the end because it was late and I'm more of a morning person. <--- Not an apology, just fact

I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so very sorry that I haven't been posting as frequently as I traditionally have. I could come up with the masterful excuse like "I have a life now, job included," but alas, that would be a lie, just if if you tried to tell me that you read all those "so's." The real reason I haven't been posting is because I've been asleep. Yup, everyday for the last week and a half I have come home, plopped on the couch, and have dreamt away the afternoon till it's time for dinner/bed. But so now that I have cleared my good name, and have restored honor to the Forsberg family, I am now going to inform you on only one of the biggest things that is in my current life:

College

Yes, I did just make the word college small just because that is what it makes me feel like. College is like a money-sucking leech that most everyone goes through. Don't get me wrong, I love the college I'm going to go to, it's like a tiny community of weird mormons who will like me GO KNIGHTS, but I am terrified out of my mind. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm broker than my skull in 6th grade. This has been so much of a stresser, that I taken up to screaming in the car when I am driving to relieve some of the pressure, and if that doesn't help my kitchen floor and I have a close-and-personal talk (I just lay on the floor until I feel better)

Listen to me now, while I have your attention. SAVE YOUR MONEY!!!! Even if it is just a penny a day, when that one day comes that you need it you will at least have like 36 cents. Spread the news, make this global. MONEY CONTROLS OUR LIVES AND IT ISN'T EVEN REAL! Think about it, a dollar bill is just a federal note, basically an IOU, and the money we circulate around online are just some numbers on the screen, yet we let it control us. We don't even use gold to back up our money anymore. WHY? I don't know, all I know is I need a job to fulfill an imaginary bill with my fake money. Wow I kinda really deviated off my original topic of college. Oh well, I feel better now. Guess I can cross smashing a car with an overpriced tripod off my list of things to do today.

Before I go and pretend to be a calm and collected young adult, I just want to warn everybody that I have a big project coming out soon, a project so big that people will hear about it and flock to me while chanting things like: "I love you Alison!", "You're my hero!", "Ross McCall wants to meet you!", "I wish your father and I treated you like our favorite child like you deserved because you always were, oh and dinner is at 6!"

NOBODY PANIC!!!!!! I'm back.

Yes, I'm back better than ever. Okay, well maybe not better but I'm back. I could explain why I haven't posted in awhile but what it really whittles down to are three things: School, pretending I have a life and not being on the top of my game (or as some people weird people like to call it: sick). But that's no excuse for abandoning you all. Just kidding, I make the rules and I declare today to be National Eat Some Rice Day.

Now what is really on my mind today is my dog. Here let me show you some pictures so you can imagine him while I write about him.

Taking a selfie

Sleeping like the lazy bottom he is

Sleeping some more

Whoops, where did that come from?

Just wanted to be set down

As you can see, he doesn't do much, and he is small. His name is Mister Fitzwilliam Darcy. Yes, that is his whole name. I'm not lying. His name comes from Pride and Prejudiced because he is a purebred and he deserves a proper name. I personally prefer to call him the following names: Mr. Darcy, Darcy, Bubba, Puppy, Mr. Stinky Bottom, Mr Stinky Pants, Stupid Head, Animal, and Baby. He seems to not care about the wide range of names because he responds to each of them.

Now this dog is as skittish as all get out. Drop a pencil? Hear the dog bolt across the house. Bring home a new stuff animal? He will avoid it for a week. Vacuum cleaner? Bane of his existence. He is stupid. He is ridiculous. He is mine. I love this dog, he is so innocent. He doesn't realize that the UPS and FedEx men aren't out to kill everyone, so he tries to protect to the best of his ability (even though that means barking incessantly). When  I wake up every morning, after the third alarm goes off, my dog walks up to my face and gives a quick lick on my nose before he goes back to sleep. These are the reasons people are more upset of an animal dying in a movie than people. We view animals almost like children, like they don't know any better, because most of the time they don't. I recognize this is one of my less funny, but animals truly mean a lot to me and most everyone. Especially goats. I love goats. And my dog. And Ross McCall. What? Ignore that last one.

Few notes before you go about your day:

1. My next post will be better

2. My new page will come out soon (still not going to tell yet)

3. I'm going to college

4. I have beaten my all time record of being alive

5. Don't eat yellow snow

Hello World! How are you today? Oh wait, you never answer me!!!!!!!!! (Except for that one person who called me "cuz", but I don't know who you are so this is slightly awkward...)

Do I ever leave the couch? Seriously, if you look at all my pictures you would find that they all take place on the couch. I'm wearing my purple adventure robe so maybe that will help.

MAGIC!!!!!!! I'm not here to talk about magic though, I am just using the skills of my purple adventure robe to convince you to actually give me feedback. I have questions and I need them answered so take a minute out of your day to help out a sister from another mister.

Questions I Ask Myself Throughout the Day

1. Do celebrities laugh? I know this sounds stupid but what I want to know is if they watch funny videos and laugh or do they all just think "I'm cooler than this"?

2. Who invented the cookie? They are my second biggest hero

3. Why do bears get to hibernate and I don't? I think I deserve to spend the whole winter sleeping, plus they get to eat a ton before it all happens.

4. Am I allowed to make up a new word? You know what, who cares if I'm not suppose to, 'cause I am. My new word is, my new word is.... Making up new words is harder than I thought.

5. Who made it illegal to eat an orange in a bathtub in the state of Washington? I don't even think I need to justify asking that question.

6. Why doesn't my mom love me?

7. If I were kidnapped would I blubber like a baby or just get shot for being so snarky?

8. What is my purpose in life?

9. Where did I come from?

10. Where do I go?

11. Where did I come from Cotton-Eyed Joe?

12. Will I ever meet Ross McCall?

13. Why don't people wear classy hats anymore?

14. Does Ross McCall read my blog?

15. Does anyone who is famous read my blog?

16. Do my friends think I'm crazy?

17. Do I have friends?

18. How much could a wood chuck chuck, if I wood chuck could chuck wood?

19. Can I quit high school yet?

20. What is love?

Yeah, this is just a short list. But seriously, answer the questions, or don't. It's your life, live it. 'Cause life's a garden, dig it. Oh and for entertaining purposes I added a picture of a goat wearing boots. Your welcome.

Skipping school is so much fun, is so much fun, is so much fun. Skipping school is so much fun, my fair lady. I have been practicing my singing, can't you tell? Actually, that is pretty much what I am going to do all day aside from writing my script and pretending that someday I may go on to fulfill my greatest life dream of becoming the first female dictator of china. *Sigh*

But any who, I think my house has the capability of turning me into Johnny from "The Shining." Sometimes when I get locked in my house for too long I kinda like black out and then later find myself running into closed doors or laying sprawled out on the floor.

Me with cabin fever

 Cabin fever is a real issue, and only together can we find a cure. To fight this terrible case of cabin fever I am going to attempt to tell a story that will bring tears to your eyes while also teaching you an important life lesson. This story is titled "The Time I Was an Idiot and Listened to My Sister"

The Time I Was an Idiot and Listened to My Sister

By: Alison Forsberg

I was six years old, a ripe age to be alive. My life was perfect. I lived in the beautiful state of Washington, my  friends were the greatest and my health was top notch, but that all changed when my sister came around. She was older than me, only by a year and a half, and I looked up to her immense bravery. In my little eyes she was cooler than cool, greater than bubble gum and ice cream. In my naive little eyes she was a Norse god. Day after day I would watch her fling herself down the stairs and land like the heroes do in the movies, on one knee with her heading slowly lifting up to give it dramatic effect. I was weak and afraid to do it myself until that cursed day happened. My sister approached me, with a smile that only a fox could make, and sweetly told me that it was my turn to jump down the stairs, but not from the middle, no, she wanted me to do it from the very top. I was terrified and torn. Do I do as she asked or do I stay alive? As I debated this question in my mind, her statement turned into a demand leaving me only one choice but to make the ascension up the stairs. Once I was at the top, I looked around praying for some way out, but there was none. With my sister looking on I took a big breath and  prepare to jump. "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down," I told myself, hoping it would somehow encourage me to leap, but I couldn't do it. I looked at my sister, my eyes pleaded for mercy but as the Norse god she was, she gave me none. I once again turned to my eminent doom. "I'LL HUFF AND I'LL PUFF AND I'LL BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN!" I screamed out my war cry and went flying into the air. I seemed almost weightless for those few seconds, almost at peace, but then... SPLAT!!!!!! I landed on my foot wrong! I started crying my stupid little eyes out and my mom kept saying "Walk to me, Alison. Walk to me." but I couldn't. In my complete and utter stupidity I broke my dang foot and wasn't allowed to play with my friends because of the stupid cast. For the next month all I could think was "Stupid sister. Stupid me. Stupid sister. Stupid me."

The End

Oh, and don't forget people, my new page will at some point in the future come out.

Me evil laughing because only I know what the new page will be

Wow. So how long has it been since I have written on this thing? Gosh, I don't know, but I guess it is a better late than never kind of thing. Time to do some house cleaning before I actually start my real rant for the day.

•  Remember to check my other pages from time to time because I do update them on occasion.
•  Don't be afraid to give me your thoughts, opinions or suggestions.
•  I have a new page that will be coming out in the not so distant future, but it is a surprise.

 Now let's get down to business, to defeat the Huns. HHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUWWWWWWAAAAAA! Yes I am singing Mulan, but no, I am not talking about it today. Today I am going to give you guys some of my favorite recipes.

Social Awkwardness Spaghetti
1 jar of pre-made party sauce
1 box of uncooked fear noodles
Pinch of introvertness spice
2 tablespoons of no eye contact salt

Cook noodles. Mix together sauce , spice and salt to make delicious disaster. *Note: Social Awkwardness Spaghetti often tastes better being served in the corner*



Obsession Cake
1 box of sexy man (can be switched with sweet woman)
3 "I Might Meet Them" eggs
2 tablespoons of insanity oil

Mix all ingredients together and bake at 350 degrees.



Couch Potato
1 "I'm Not Even Going to Scrub the Potato" potato

Have someone else place the potato in microwave for five minutes. Serve with "Remote's
Over There" sour cream and "I Can't Believe It's Midnight" butter.

Day in the Life of Alison: Snow Day Edition

I recognize this is late but who cares? I don't. My little brother and I loved playing in the snow so here's a video of us. Please understand that the beginning is as boring as a listening to "The Prince" on mp3 but that it does get better, I guess. I don't know. I'm rambling now......



Before I go, remember my challenge to tell your friends and talk to me. If you do this for me, I might just do something for you.



Oh look I found a picture of me from when my mother told me to go to bed. Good times

What to Do When Scared

Video number 2. Will you live up to my challenge?

I did a video, whatttttt?

Which is better, being an outspoken fan of a celebrity or being a silent creeper? Let's weigh our options.

Outspoken Fan

Pros:
-People know your stand point on the celebrity
-Celebrity might actually acknowledge you (via twitter, carrier pigeons, smoke signals, etc)
-It is alright when you squeal upon seeing your celebrity
-Your Favorite Celebrity movie night at your house with all your friends

Cons:
-Your friends think you are slightly obsessed (when I say slightly I really mean a lot)
-The celebrity you like thinks you are a crazy fan
-Because you are just a "crazy fan" your celebrity wouldn't care if they met you, you're just another fan

Total weight: 1 lb, 29oz


Silent Creeper

Pros:
-You can be as obsessed as you like, no one will know
-You can stalk your celebrity without anyone knowing
-Your friends won't know anything, therefore they cannot judge you
-No one will ever know, hehe hehe HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!!!!!!!!

Cons:
-Your celebrity will never know you
-No fan-obsessing moments with your friends
-If your celebrity ever caught wind of your actions, there would be a restraining order

Total weight: 2 cows


Results are in, and the winner issssss........ Oh wait, it's a tie!! Yes folks, apparently pure obsession is unhealthy. This is in other news, I have been diagnosed, so excuse me while I go get help.

 

NO, ALISON, GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF. These men are over twice your age, beat the obsession... BUT THEY ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

Let me tell you the Forsberg family story known as "The Bird Story" or better known as "The Time Stephen Left the Front Door Open"

Once upon there lived a family who were known as the Forsbergs. One day, Mama Forsberg decided to leave for Florida (the only notice she left was a sticky note on the microwave that said "Went to Florida. Do your chores. Love Mom). While Mama Forsberg was there weren't any parents around the house because Daddy Forsberg was at work or church most of the time, making it so the children were unsupervised. Everything was hunky-dory, the two older girls, Julia and Alison (hey that's me) would go to high school and then later baby boy Stephen would leave later for middle school. Unfortunately for the family, baby boy Stephen had a hard time remembering to do things before he left, things like taking the dog out to the bathroom, turning off the lights, and closing the front door. The day went on and the UPS man came to the front door, and seeing it was open but no one was home, kindly put the package inside the house and closed the door. Later, Julia and Alison came home, and because the front door was not open anymore, thought everything was shipshape until Alison went to go water the ferns. DUM BUM BUMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!! As Alison walked towards the door she heard fluttering. What could it be? As she looked up she let out a bloodcurdling scream for she was staring into the eyes of a bird! A bird in the house? Heavens to Betsy. The scream terrified the bird so it began ramming into every window causing Julia and Alison to scream even more. The girls did the best thing they could think of and ran to the backyard while calling Daddy Forsberg. He informed the girls he was busy and that they should just lay low (well he said to calm down but it means the same thing).  Instead of laying low, the girls went to the garage to get the fishing net and then they pulled out their camera so they could record the time they caught a bird. As they timidly walked inside the house the atmosphere felt tense, but they had a mission. No noise was to be heard so this set of sisters made their way around the house until, VVVVRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM! THE BIRD WAS AIRBORN!!!!!!!!!!!!! The girls scattered, screaming and slightly crying from hysteria. Alison locked herself into a room, praying that her sister hadn't fallen victim to the fowl of the air. One, five, ten minutes had past before Alison willing walked out of the room. As she carefully descended down the stairs, she saw the craziest thing. Her sister was pointing at the door and told the bird to leave, which it did. The end.

*No one was hurt in this video (except for some pride)

Upon waking up at a bright and blissful 4:30 a.m., I decided to start the day right by taking a fresh-out-of-bed picture.

 

I was sure today was going to be a great day with singing birds and skipping children, until I remembered it was Monday. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! My whole day was ruined just by adding the letters "M" "O" and "N" to the front. Not only did I have to start another week of school but I had to also go to a FULL week of school, something which has not happened for a while. But being a half-full kind of person, I decided to put my big girl pants on and take the day on like a man. I fought the haze of sleepiness and somehow made it downstairs and to the car. I was past the point of no return. Turns out there were skipping children but they weren't skipping to class, if you catch my drift, and the singing birds were actually my pathetic attempts to sing. If that wasn't enough, I had to spend my first class of the day with some pretty crazy chicks named Megan, Stuart, Bryanna and Claudia. It was with these interesting women that I found a solution to the Monday blues. 2 HOUR DELAY! If we had a 2 hour delay at the start of every week, our day would seem to fly weightlessly as if it were being carried in the arms of an angel. Yes, this is the one and only solution. So I say to you, my fellow people, will we stand by and let the terrible monster Monday destroy our lives? Nay I cry, take up your pillows and blankets and shout with me "TWO HOUR DELAY! TWO HOUR DELAY!"

 

Oh, and shout out to you two guys in Germany who keep reading my blog. Guten tag!

Sometimes I am really stupid, like, really really stupid. Like, if I were a little more hairy I would be placed in the zoo as a monkey. I'll give a few examples to enlighten you all. One time I thought listening to my sister tell me to jump downstairs from the top of the staircase was smart, but that was before I broke my foot from the fall. Or another time I thought cutting my hair was a good idea, actually that took me four times to finally realize it was not the greatest thing ever. Oh, and one of my favorites is when I thought running backwards on asphalt was okay (haven't recovered from that one yet). Last night I had one of these smart moments when I decided to eat an apple. OH NO, NOT THE APPLE!!!!!!!! You see, the problem is I'm allergic to apples, well actually all raw fruits and vegetables, so obviously this was a bad decision, but I wanted to see if my allergy shots worked. Long story short, they didn't. I spent the rest of the night rolling on the ground eating the ice cream my brother gave to me out of pity because I was crying out that my lips were swelling and my throat was itchy.

After a hair-cutting episode

 

Haha, who is that pathetic girl who is all alone on her bed under her blankets in the corner of
room watching "Sabrina the Teenage Witch"? It's so depressing seeing a loser like that... Oh wait, that's me. What am I doing with my life? I'm 18 years old and it's snowing but I'm spending all my time watching a show about a adolescent witch who can't seem to get her stupid magic in order. What makes it worse is that I squealed under my blanket like a tiny piglet nestled in hay when I saw that there are 163 episodes I can watch for free. To think, I thought I had problems before...

Oh, and Sabrina and Harvey should totally get together, just saying.

This is for those who have wondered what a day in the life of Alison is like on a Saturday.

4:30 am: Dog starts crying
4:35 am: Alison wonders why she has a dog and ignores it
7:00 am: Dog cries
7:01 am: Alison takes dog outside, falls asleep on couch
9:00 am: Good time to get up
9:10 am: Decides she wants pancakes for breakfast
10:00 am: Still hasn't made pancakes, decides she should just skip breakfast and wait for lunch
10:05 am: Wanders aimlessly around the house
10:45 am: Still wandering
11:00 am: Regrets decision to skip breakfast, turns on TV
12:00 pm: LUNCH TIME!!!!! eats everything in sight
12:01 pm: Starts singing about food while searching the internet
12:20 pm: Ate too much, watches more TV.
!2:34 pm: Somehow winds up on the kitchen floor, stays there
1:00 pm: Art project idea, pulls out everything
1:30pm: Gets distracted, leaves everything on kitchen counter
2:00 pm: Realizes the time, decides that the day is up so she better not start anything
2:15 pm: Wants to go to the store
2:20 pm: Remembers people are at the store, pops popcorn instead
2:30 pm: Starts yelling about what ever comes to mind
2:45 pm: Makes weird animal noises
3:00 pm: Finds victims in the house to annoy
4:00 pm: Throws a mini dance party for the success of annoying others
4:15 pm: Watches more TV
5:30 pm: Questions what day it is and also what is for dinner
5:31 pm: Gets answers, return to TV
6:00 pm: Dinner time, asks what is happening
6:30 pm: Sneaks away from chores
6:45 pm: Parents looking for her but she is hiding
6:46 pm: Dog is a snitch and the gig is up
7:00 pm: After singing the chores are finally done.
7:15 pm: Watches movie with little brother while eating ice cream
9:00 pm: Heads to bed
9:01 pm: Too much thinking, not enough sleeping
11:00 pm: Finally asleep
11:10 pm: Dog starts crying, it's going to be a long night

Who wants a cookie? Yesterday I did, but that all changed when the fire nation attacked. Let me tell you a story about the girl and the cookie dough.
Once upon a time there was a girl named Alison who wanted cookies but had to go to the store. Instead of making homemade cookies like she normally does, she decided to buy pre-made cookie dough. "Brilliant," she thought "Now I don't have to make a mess making the cookie dough but I will still get the same great taste." So she bought the goods, went home and decided she was going to be lazy and make the cookies the next day. The sun rose on the next morning and Alison leaped out of bed to start the oven. She popped the tiny, pre-scooped pieces of dough into the oven and waited. Voila, out come the cookies looking like little dirt cakes. What did Alison do wrong? Still being hopeful, she tried one and found it to be less than satisfactory. The cookie was missing something, something called love. In the end Alison cried due to lack of love and watched "Lilo and Stitch". The end.

Moral of the Story: Make homemade cookies, there is a difference. Also you can save money. Cookies + money = happiness

Let's talk about George Lucas. George Lucas was the proud father of the movie series "Star Wars". These movies were cut-edge and magnificent, but not any more. Though personally I am an avid fan of  the original "Star Wars" I am sickened by the fact that George Lucas has sold his soul to Disney. I love Disney and I love "Star Wars" but not together because that is like mixing meat and ice cream. I love meat, and I love ice cream, and actually if you want to be my best friend just buy me some ice cream and watch a movie with me, but the point is that they don't go. To top it off with sprinkles (because we were talking about ice cream) they are now making an episode VII *sigh*. Maybe I'm just jumping the gun and the movie will turn out great but, unfortunately, "Star Wars" has already started becoming a joke. Dang it, now I want ice cream.

If you saw me at a party, you might want to hang with me, but then again, maybe you wouldn't. I don't even think this situation is possible, saying that I never go to parties, or even leave my house for that matter. In fact, my favorite Friday night activity is staying home to watch a movie while eating ice cream. I guess the setting for the party could be at my house... Nah, I would hide some place with my dog. Crap, am I really that boring? I think I have reached a level of introvertness that no one should ever reach. I would call for help but that would require using a phone and talking to someone. This is a warning for introverts everywhere: Save yourselves before it is too late! I'm in too deep, but there is a chance for you.

The most exciting thing happened yesterday, I got a block of wood and a new toilet lid.

 Now when I go to the bathroom I won't constantly feel the need to sing "Living on a Prayer" because the toilet seat isn't attached. Also, I have been wanting to get a block of wood for over eight years. You could say I have low expectations, but at least my taste in men is good.

 

CHOO CHOO! ALL ABOARD! Today I'm going to rant about my favorite animal: the goat. The goat is a majestic creature with it's long beard, curved horns and blank eyes. The sound of it's mighty bleat sends shivers down the spine of all things living. It truly is the greatest animal that has ever walked the earth. The best part about it is it's sub-group called the Myotonic goat, aka the fainting goat. When frighten the goat locks up and falls over, and you know why they do this? Because we trained them to, that's why! Back when shepherd and sheep were as one, the shepherd would bring along some fainting goats so that if a wolf came it would eat the goat rather than the sheep. Fun, right? Too bad the Myotonic goat has now been degraded as just a silly animal that passes out when someone opens an umbrella, yells loudly, or brings them food. So this is a shout out to all those goats out there: BBBBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Today I was wondering why in the world I have a blog which lead me to the important question of "What is a blog?" According to google a blog is:

"a personal website or web page on which an individual records opinions, links to other sites, etc. on a regular basis." Do you know what that means? This blog is about to get crazy like the beat dropping in dubstep WUUUUUUBBBBB DDAAAAAA WEEEPPPPPPP ABABABAB. So fasten your seatbelts and hold on tight because you are about to take a trip to The Mind of Alison.

 

Okay, okay I feel kinda bad for trying to jump into this whole thing without you really getting prepared so the crazy bus is being delayed for tomorrow. *somewhere someone sighs*

 

I think people should cry more. Now, before you go and think "Whoa Alison is messed up," I want to clarify. The type of crying that I am talking about is the crying that happens because you are laughing so hard. Everyone has done it at one point in their lives. It is one of the best feelings, knowing you are so happy or amused by something that you break down in tears.

I think my first ever post on my first ever blog should revolve around what this blog is really about. The quote I have decided to live by and blog by is "Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death (Auntie Mame)." Did you guys realize that I citied the movie properly? Thank you English III. But seriously people, you got a chance to live, take it for what it is worth. Let me paint a scene for you: You are at a table covered with food, all the food you could imagine, and sitting in front of you is a giant turkey, but wait, you hate the taste of turkey. Your choices are to either cry that someone put a turkey on the table or look to the side and see a hunk of ham. Life is like this, unless you are a vegetarian or vegan in which case the food that I have mentioned turns into rice and couscous, because there will always be things we don't like and things we do and it is up to us to decide if we feast or starve. Just some food for thought (haha I made a funny).