NOBODY PANIC!!!!!! I'm back.

Yes, I'm back better than ever. Okay, well maybe not better but I'm back. I could explain why I haven't posted in awhile but what it really whittles down to are three things: School, pretending I have a life and not being on the top of my game (or as some people weird people like to call it: sick). But that's no excuse for abandoning you all. Just kidding, I make the rules and I declare today to be National Eat Some Rice Day.

Now what is really on my mind today is my dog. Here let me show you some pictures so you can imagine him while I write about him.

Taking a selfie

Sleeping like the lazy bottom he is

Sleeping some more

Whoops, where did that come from?

Just wanted to be set down

As you can see, he doesn't do much, and he is small. His name is Mister Fitzwilliam Darcy. Yes, that is his whole name. I'm not lying. His name comes from Pride and Prejudiced because he is a purebred and he deserves a proper name. I personally prefer to call him the following names: Mr. Darcy, Darcy, Bubba, Puppy, Mr. Stinky Bottom, Mr Stinky Pants, Stupid Head, Animal, and Baby. He seems to not care about the wide range of names because he responds to each of them.

Now this dog is as skittish as all get out. Drop a pencil? Hear the dog bolt across the house. Bring home a new stuff animal? He will avoid it for a week. Vacuum cleaner? Bane of his existence. He is stupid. He is ridiculous. He is mine. I love this dog, he is so innocent. He doesn't realize that the UPS and FedEx men aren't out to kill everyone, so he tries to protect to the best of his ability (even though that means barking incessantly). When  I wake up every morning, after the third alarm goes off, my dog walks up to my face and gives a quick lick on my nose before he goes back to sleep. These are the reasons people are more upset of an animal dying in a movie than people. We view animals almost like children, like they don't know any better, because most of the time they don't. I recognize this is one of my less funny, but animals truly mean a lot to me and most everyone. Especially goats. I love goats. And my dog. And Ross McCall. What? Ignore that last one.

Few notes before you go about your day:

1. My next post will be better

2. My new page will come out soon (still not going to tell yet)

3. I'm going to college

4. I have beaten my all time record of being alive

5. Don't eat yellow snow

Hello World! How are you today? Oh wait, you never answer me!!!!!!!!! (Except for that one person who called me "cuz", but I don't know who you are so this is slightly awkward...)

Do I ever leave the couch? Seriously, if you look at all my pictures you would find that they all take place on the couch. I'm wearing my purple adventure robe so maybe that will help.

MAGIC!!!!!!! I'm not here to talk about magic though, I am just using the skills of my purple adventure robe to convince you to actually give me feedback. I have questions and I need them answered so take a minute out of your day to help out a sister from another mister.

Questions I Ask Myself Throughout the Day

1. Do celebrities laugh? I know this sounds stupid but what I want to know is if they watch funny videos and laugh or do they all just think "I'm cooler than this"?

2. Who invented the cookie? They are my second biggest hero

3. Why do bears get to hibernate and I don't? I think I deserve to spend the whole winter sleeping, plus they get to eat a ton before it all happens.

4. Am I allowed to make up a new word? You know what, who cares if I'm not suppose to, 'cause I am. My new word is, my new word is.... Making up new words is harder than I thought.

5. Who made it illegal to eat an orange in a bathtub in the state of Washington? I don't even think I need to justify asking that question.

6. Why doesn't my mom love me?

7. If I were kidnapped would I blubber like a baby or just get shot for being so snarky?

8. What is my purpose in life?

9. Where did I come from?

10. Where do I go?

11. Where did I come from Cotton-Eyed Joe?

12. Will I ever meet Ross McCall?

13. Why don't people wear classy hats anymore?

14. Does Ross McCall read my blog?

15. Does anyone who is famous read my blog?

16. Do my friends think I'm crazy?

17. Do I have friends?

18. How much could a wood chuck chuck, if I wood chuck could chuck wood?

19. Can I quit high school yet?

20. What is love?

Yeah, this is just a short list. But seriously, answer the questions, or don't. It's your life, live it. 'Cause life's a garden, dig it. Oh and for entertaining purposes I added a picture of a goat wearing boots. Your welcome.

Skipping school is so much fun, is so much fun, is so much fun. Skipping school is so much fun, my fair lady. I have been practicing my singing, can't you tell? Actually, that is pretty much what I am going to do all day aside from writing my script and pretending that someday I may go on to fulfill my greatest life dream of becoming the first female dictator of china. *Sigh*

But any who, I think my house has the capability of turning me into Johnny from "The Shining." Sometimes when I get locked in my house for too long I kinda like black out and then later find myself running into closed doors or laying sprawled out on the floor.

Me with cabin fever

 Cabin fever is a real issue, and only together can we find a cure. To fight this terrible case of cabin fever I am going to attempt to tell a story that will bring tears to your eyes while also teaching you an important life lesson. This story is titled "The Time I Was an Idiot and Listened to My Sister"

The Time I Was an Idiot and Listened to My Sister

By: Alison Forsberg

I was six years old, a ripe age to be alive. My life was perfect. I lived in the beautiful state of Washington, my  friends were the greatest and my health was top notch, but that all changed when my sister came around. She was older than me, only by a year and a half, and I looked up to her immense bravery. In my little eyes she was cooler than cool, greater than bubble gum and ice cream. In my naive little eyes she was a Norse god. Day after day I would watch her fling herself down the stairs and land like the heroes do in the movies, on one knee with her heading slowly lifting up to give it dramatic effect. I was weak and afraid to do it myself until that cursed day happened. My sister approached me, with a smile that only a fox could make, and sweetly told me that it was my turn to jump down the stairs, but not from the middle, no, she wanted me to do it from the very top. I was terrified and torn. Do I do as she asked or do I stay alive? As I debated this question in my mind, her statement turned into a demand leaving me only one choice but to make the ascension up the stairs. Once I was at the top, I looked around praying for some way out, but there was none. With my sister looking on I took a big breath and  prepare to jump. "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down," I told myself, hoping it would somehow encourage me to leap, but I couldn't do it. I looked at my sister, my eyes pleaded for mercy but as the Norse god she was, she gave me none. I once again turned to my eminent doom. "I'LL HUFF AND I'LL PUFF AND I'LL BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN!" I screamed out my war cry and went flying into the air. I seemed almost weightless for those few seconds, almost at peace, but then... SPLAT!!!!!! I landed on my foot wrong! I started crying my stupid little eyes out and my mom kept saying "Walk to me, Alison. Walk to me." but I couldn't. In my complete and utter stupidity I broke my dang foot and wasn't allowed to play with my friends because of the stupid cast. For the next month all I could think was "Stupid sister. Stupid me. Stupid sister. Stupid me."

The End

Oh, and don't forget people, my new page will at some point in the future come out.

Me evil laughing because only I know what the new page will be

Wow. So how long has it been since I have written on this thing? Gosh, I don't know, but I guess it is a better late than never kind of thing. Time to do some house cleaning before I actually start my real rant for the day.

•  Remember to check my other pages from time to time because I do update them on occasion.
•  Don't be afraid to give me your thoughts, opinions or suggestions.
•  I have a new page that will be coming out in the not so distant future, but it is a surprise.

 Now let's get down to business, to defeat the Huns. HHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUWWWWWWAAAAAA! Yes I am singing Mulan, but no, I am not talking about it today. Today I am going to give you guys some of my favorite recipes.

Social Awkwardness Spaghetti
1 jar of pre-made party sauce
1 box of uncooked fear noodles
Pinch of introvertness spice
2 tablespoons of no eye contact salt

Cook noodles. Mix together sauce , spice and salt to make delicious disaster. *Note: Social Awkwardness Spaghetti often tastes better being served in the corner*



Obsession Cake
1 box of sexy man (can be switched with sweet woman)
3 "I Might Meet Them" eggs
2 tablespoons of insanity oil

Mix all ingredients together and bake at 350 degrees.



Couch Potato
1 "I'm Not Even Going to Scrub the Potato" potato

Have someone else place the potato in microwave for five minutes. Serve with "Remote's
Over There" sour cream and "I Can't Believe It's Midnight" butter.