I have made the best decision of my life. Here's what happened...

I have been stressed as most people have. It is no fun. Also, having insomnia is no fun. On a typical night I get, at most, five hours of sleep and six hours of coming up with worst case scenarios and reliving past mistakes (I go to bed early thinking I can trick myself into falling asleep).

 One night I decided to be a mature adult and instead of lying in bed, wasting away my life, I would read a book. I had a book already picked out, and it was one I got from a "give-and-take" section. I opened the book and began reading. It was horrible. It was as though a sixth grade girl with ADHD and immense school drama had written it. So there I was, book in hand and stressed.

Suddenly, I got a strong urge to rip a page out of the book. Come on, everyone gets that urge of wanting to deface things for no reason. It is the same kind of feeling you get when you just want to randomly punch someone in the face when they are talking to you. Back to me. So I looked at the book and was like "Nahhhhh, I'm not gonna rip this. Someone made this so I should treat it with respect." The urge didn't go away. I ripped out a page. "HHHHHHUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH"  I gasped. I had done it. What had I done? The book was now imperfect!!!!!!! I was left with two choices: fix the book or destroy it some more.

I ripped out another page.

What was happening?!?!? I couldn't stop myself. Pages went flying in the air and were whisked around because my fan was on high. Page after page I tore out of the book. My bed became a war zone for books everywhere, and it felt good. I began to laugh out loud, ignoring the fact that it was 1:00 a.m. and that everyone else was asleep. Sheets of paper fell like snow around the room. I made a quick paper angel and sat up.

I felt calm.

All my stress had melted away and I actually started to feel sleep closing in. Though I am often unorthodox, releasing my energy in unadulterated destruction was what I needed to break away from the barriers I had set up for myself. I was going to take the lesson I learned for myself and go to sleep, but I knew I would ruin the experience for myself if I left the mess for my tomorrow self. I cleaned up and recycled the book, except for one page.

 On the last page of the book there was a smiley face (it really was a strange book). I taped that smiley face onto my door to warn all other books to beware. Just kidding, it is a reminder. A reminder to savor the moments when there are no rules, just me.

The reason I post this random event from my life is not necessarily because it is the funniest thing, but because we all need to learn to let go. Go to Goodwill, find a book, and rip it apart. Splash paint all over a piece of paper and smudge it around. Scream. Find a release and go for it. In life we need rules and structure, but when you feel like your structure is falling in, get rid of it for a moment. You will learn to appreciate both the civil and uncivil. You will be free